I so want to be able to live life at a slower pace, partially because I'm getting older and slower is more natural now. I admit it, I'm just tired. Working part-time sounds so good to me, if I have to continue to do something other than what I am called to do. What really sounds good is to derive energy from actually working at my vocation, but the chances of doing that seem more remote than ever.
So going slower sounds good. But how does one accomplish that in this society? How does one just drop out, and still accomplish one's dreams? For I still have dreams, still have things I want to do. Is that just ridiculous at my age? I don't want to be defeated by life.
My Lenten journey hasn't been a profound one, or necessarily spiritual. Every year, I say, this is the year that I'm going to make a real effort, that I'm going to check out of the world as far as possible and just be and let the Spirit move me. It's like those housekeeping magazines at the checkout line at the grocery store in the fall, the ones with the covers that scream, "How To Have the Biggest, BEST Christmas Ever!!!" So one buys the magazine and runs out of time to try all the tricks and ends up disappointed. I am disappointed in myself, and I don't know if God is disappointed in me . . . I imagine God has better things to do than worry about my experience of Lent.
If I had time to go more slowly, would I have concentrated more on Lent? Possibly. But all I can do, all any of us can do, is go forward from this point. There is a blessing in that, being here right now in whatever place, listening for God's voice right now, and looking for a future, for however long God cares to grant me.
Hosanna!
